Our days were filled toiling in the earth, growing vegetables, expanding our consciousness academically and culturally. We were always preparing food ...ogether as we were both dedicated to a living and raw diet and we even fasted together as well. He pushed me to trust him, to trust that he loved me, to see myself as the special and unique being he saw me as. I met each challenge he gave me head on, never afraid to push myself. Much of our time was spent in meditation or doing ritual. Sometimes. It was amystery.Sitting beside me Helmut squeezed my hand through my leather glove. Iturned and he gave me a reassuring smile."Captain Wendt seems to be taking it hard," he whispered, having seenwhere I was directing my attention, "but he mustn't blame himself. There'snothing he could have done to save Franz." His death was entirely his own fault," I replied, knowing Helmut wouldthink I was agreeing with him."I have to say, I'm surprised to see Albrecht here," whispered Gerda, fromher position. I know it sounds bad. Now that I think about it, it really was. Those thoughts of Maggie and Jolene in Jolene's huge bed preoccupied me when I should have been studying for finals. I should have called or written or anything. Jolene had opened my eyes not only to horses and country life but to being more open with my sexuality. This past year in school I went on dates that were only out of courtesy to whomever asked. Boys or girls it was always the same. I wanted Jolene. She had opened my eyes. " I stare at thereflection of myself in the mirror, and she is right you can see mylittle penis retreated back inside of me, not even the tip of my penis issticking out.I continue to stare at release my stratum is gone no balls nothing. Whatdid she do to me with that vanishing lotion? "Stop staring at yourselfsissy and put the tights on first, so we can see if the leotard will fityou. Unless you want your diaper back on?" Okay, Okay." I turn and sit on the vanity bench, and slide the tinypink.
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